Eulogy of Perception

When turned 11 or 12, my little sister gave me a hamster for my birthday. Over the years, he had a dozen different names. The last one was "Herman Vermin", from a very warped comic book I can't recall the name of.

I never got into the crazy cage thing, he lived in a glass tank his whole life. But I held him every night. I'd sit reading this or that comic book, while the hamster scurried around. He was really well behaved and hardly chewed the corners of the comics.

On a long holiday weekend, Herman started acting funny. Slow, tired. He wasn't looking good. All of my friends and family were away. I didn't have anyone to ask for advice. I took him to the vet. It was the first time I had ever taken a pet to the veterinarian. It was hard.

The guy asked what the problem was and I told him that Herman looked sick.

He examined Herman and said: "It's old age. They don't live so long. I think it's time for you to say goodbye."

I really didn't want to say goodbye. I held him for a long time before going to bed. On my wall was a picture of me and Herman back on my birthday, when I first got him. Compared to that picture of 11 or 12 year old me and Herman, he looked paler, thinner and smaller. I fell asleep, lights on staring at that picture, reflecting on the past and how much that little guy meant to me.

And in the morning, he was gone. He passed while I slept. I was mad and confused. How could I not have been there for him when he had been there for me over all the years.

I buried him in the yard behind my apartment.

Frustrated by loneliness, I called my sister in Toronto. I told her what happened, expecting a sympathetic ear.

"So, ah... Are Mom and Dad still in California?" she asked.
"Yeah." I said.
"And Doug?"
"Alabama for Reserves," I said.
"Hmm. Mark and Ryan?"
"Looking for a college. Visiting family," I said.

I was getting mad. Really mad. She gave me this hamster, when was she going to say "I'm sorry for your loss"? I had this damn thing for all these years. And now he was gone and I was all alone. I was in my own apartment, alone. Really, really alone for the first time in my life.

I felt emptiness filling up with fire.

"I'm sorry, Phil," she said.

Finally!

"I'm so sorry. I hate to tell you this but hamsters only live about 18 months. Two years tops." She paused, and I felt my world sinking.

"Mom, Dad, me... all of your friends... we've been replacing that hamster every couple of years for over a decade. He died a long time ago. I'm sorry. But for someone who is so smart, you aren't very observant." 

"What the f..." I stammered.

"Hey, I'm your sister. It's what I'm here for. You're welcome."

Click.

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August 2019 - Miniature Monday

One of my favorite games was Tractics. My dad and I would get some friends together and play on a sandtable in 1:72 scale. It was good fun. Tonight, I came across some of our models.

I believe these are all Airfix and ROCO models from when my dad was a teenager. They are painted in simple tan, a few of which have decals applied. I suspect it is merely spray paint. My dad has come a long ways in his modeling skills.

My favorite models, although nearly useless in Tractics, are the Jeeps and such.

My dad has a flair for modeling. Our sandtable was 4 feet by 12 feet. It was impressive until you consider his gaming table was 36 feet long by 16 feet. When I say his gaming table was 36x16, this was his everyday use table. He has been known to go bigger for one off events. (I am working on getting picture of that right now.)

Anyway, there used to be a time when I could name every model and every statistic from the game. No longer. I have these things in my hands, and I do seem to remember that they are light tanks from the North African campaign, but have no idea what they really are. The smaller ones are Sherman obviously, but I am only certain because the label on the bottle. The larger tanks are labeled DBGM Made in Austria, which makes them ROCOs.

I have several dozen more, perhaps 70 or 80 in all. Some German, American, British and Italian.

I suppose you're waiting for the sales pitch and there is one coming, but not yet.

These models have been sitting on my shelf for decades and today I decided to pull them out so I can have my children play a game of Tractics with me. As I said, I don't remember much from it, except that it was quality time with my dad.

In dusting these off today, I expected to find my set of rules. I still remember all of the charts, the tables and the 3 rule books that came in the box.

Unfortunately, in picking up that box of rules, I realized that I lost my set of Tractics. For all these years, the boxed set that I thought was Tractics is an incredibly dusty set of Striker Rules.

The gamer in me is not disappointed, but the dad in me is.


Now my quest is different. I need to find a set of Tractics, or a close approximation thereof.

Anyone have any suggestions? The models are ready, I have a table and dice. I just need to purchase a set of rules.

I promised a sales pitch, so here it is. My dad has come up with some epic games, usually of his own creation. Of late, he has been into WWI. These aren't simply a set of fun rules, Tanks and Yanks also includes a whole section on building dioramas and set pieces for wargames. While meant for WWI, I could totally see this as being adaptable to any time period.

Here is my "unreview" from a few months ago.

Title: Tanks & Yanks
Author: Philip J. Viverito Publisher: LMW
Rule Set: Tabletop Wargame Rules (Unique)
Year: 2018
Pages: 104
Number of players: 2+
Price: $15.00
Rating: Not yet rated

Tanks & Yanks is the latest offering from LMW. The game covers World War I tank combat. While the title hints that the rules are based on American WWI armor, it includes infantry, armored cars, aircraft and artillery from Germany, the US, France, Britain and Italy.

I was excited to find that the rule set includes dozens of color images and tips for either acquiring models or scratch building models. Personally, I was looking for an excuse to scratch build some tanks.

The rules are heavy, 104 pages with tons of interior art, maps and photos. It looks fascinating and I cannot wait to give this game a play so I can update the rating above.

Stealing Monsters

Some of the best monsters are people. And some of the most intriguing people are villains.

Jon Wilson, of Appendix M put the bug in my head to steal a villain with his post on The Rival Party. These characters are decidedly different, with incredibly cool powers and abilities. I love the idea of a rival party as adversaries.

I immediately thought of a character I want to steal for a campaign. He is the Monomach from Stephen R. Donaldson's Mordant's Need series.

The Monomach is the villain's right-hand man, the most skilled swordsman in the land. As a villain, he is totally one-dimensional. He's given a target and then the target dies. Or at least that is how he should work.

He is actually simple enough to build an AD&D character class with little adaption. First, he is a fighting man so he has all of the abilities of a Fighter. Second, he has the disguise abilities of an Assassin. Third, he has some ability to heal himself like a Paladin. Finally, he will gain the damage bonus of a Monk. His prime requisites are Strength, Constitution, and Intelligence. To get a +5% bonus to exp, he must have at least a 12 in each of those skills. To get a 10% bonus, he must have a 15 in each.

In framing the villain as a character with a class, he can scale with the Player Characters. He can start relatively weak with the PCs and grow from there.

Let's assign those abilities by level.

On creation - +1 to Strength or Constitution regardless of race.
Level 1 - Disguise as an equal-level Assassin.
Level 3 - Laying has as Paladin of equal level.
Level 5 - Damage adjustment as per Monks +1 per 2 levels.

What are the Monomach character's limitations?

They are limited to two magic items plus one magic weapon and one magical piece of armor. They are limited to only equipment they can carry, even at home. They cannot backstab as Assassins do. They do not fight weaponless as Monks do. They do not have the variety of weapons of a fighter, they tend to stick to one main weapon and one backup. They don't often use bows. They can ride horses, but can not care for them. They work alone and are likely to strike at "friendlies" as they get in the way like a berserker. This berserker tendency is not a special skill or ability, it is just a ruthless and bloody methodology. They are relatively poor in day-to-day skills, unable to cook, care for animals or hunt making them reliant on their master's staff for self-care.

This lack of people and daily living skills prevents them from having followers, retainers, or constructing a keep, tower, or another base of operation. When assigned to retainers by their master, they tend to follow the retainer until a target presents itself.

What would make this type of character too overpowered? A crystal ball and a ring of teleportation. Yeah, I would totally give my evil Monomach a ring and crystal ball.

The United States of the 1980s

I'm watching Stranger Things, Season Three. The Russian characters kill me for all of their 1980s styling. They were right there in the beginning of season, but as tangential characters. Just enough was known about them to build a tense story which really had nothing to do with the Soviets. They were a McGuffin for season 1, left out of season 2, but in season 3, they are a major plot point.

I'm not going to spoil Stranger Things for you, but American TV used to portray Evil Soviet Citizens in a particularly goofy way.

One of the things that stands out to me is, as the Evil Characters, they always had some tiny amount of easily understood motivation. Usually it was played to show their humanity. And where those motive forces most came into play was a deeply subversive scenario.

Said Soviet Super Citizen was always physically stronger than the American opponent, often smarter in very technical ways, but total out of their element when not dealing with brute force or when the operation deviated from the characters background knowledge.

Where the subversion comes in is not in the fact that once the Super Soviet Citizen is free of home influence do they show some heroic, sane and pure traits, but the fact that nearly every aspect of Western European and American culture is designed to somehow subvert them. They want a hamburger, a Coke, a convertible, a nice house, etc. All the things common people like.

While I am sure that many times the intended message was "America is just better", the actual message was cultural perversion. Basically, the good guys end up bribing the Soviets with good ol' American Scooby Snacks.

"Did you just bribe Cthulhu with ice cream?"
"Not any old ice cream. Häagen-Dazs* is the shit."

Let that one sink in.

While we can't go back to the 80's, I think this is an excellent method of designing better villains. Most of the time villains are rather one dimensional, but being evil, they should succumb to perversion of a bigger evil.

*There is some deep irony that Häagen-Dazs came into being to save an American ice cream company from bad sales and lack luster marketing. Make it look different, and poof!, profit.

Slate Wands

I have a couple of old slate wands in my locker. I wonder if these are rechargeable. 

>analyze wand
You analyze your slate wand and sense that the item is free from merchant alteration restrictions.
You get no sense of whether or not the wand may be further lightened.
>analyze other wand
You analyze your slate wand and sense that the item is free from merchant alteration restrictions.
You get no sense of whether or not the wand may be further lightened.
>pre 405
You gesture and invoke the powers of the elements for the Elemental Detection spell…
Your spell is ready.
>cast at wand
You gesture at a slate wand.
The essence swirls as it flows in a fog of chaotic patterns around the wand.
Cast Roundtime 3 Seconds.
(Forcing stance down to guarded)
>pre 405
You gesture and invoke the powers of the elements for the Elemental Detection spell…
Your spell is ready.
>cast at other wand
You gesture at a slate wand.
The essence swirls as it flows in a fog of chaotic patterns around the wand.
Cast Roundtime 3 Seconds.

They don’t play nice with 405 like a Thanot Wand so I don’t know how many charges they have.

>cast at wand
You gesture at a pale thanot wand.
You sense that the wand is a magic item that holds the spell “Limb Disruption” with a fair amount of charges.
Cast Roundtime 3 Seconds.